You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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