chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
