don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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