so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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