I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
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You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.