; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way