Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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