guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
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