He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
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EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
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He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.