not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
