Barsexuality is the new black.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
