Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
