tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize