Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize
