Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
