Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
