mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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