One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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