I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
