just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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