Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
