Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
