I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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