Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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