so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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