i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i believe in u and ur pee
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
