How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
