My brain says no but my pants say off.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
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I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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