lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
