i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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