Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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