I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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