I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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