Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
