turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
