i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
