I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
