so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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