Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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