Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
