I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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