Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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