It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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