normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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