i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
