Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
