How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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