HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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