he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
