You can't special order awesome
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
