Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
