guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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