I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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