The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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