i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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