Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
