i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
