You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The air taste purple.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize