i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he thought i was a dude.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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