just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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