Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
