We need to rekindle our bromance
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
