Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
