I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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