Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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