i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
